I wrote -at the beginning of this month- that I wanted to make it about positivity and good vibes, but it turned out to be the complete opposite of what I had hoped.
Feeling alone is no joke, especially when you are around people. I felt this way many times in the past, and just when I think that I conquered the feeling, I fall back in the same self-destructive state.
I’ve always felt like the seeker, socially. I put in work for others, but I don’t get nearly the same in return. I know that it’s foolish to have expectations in the first place, but I can’t help it.
I keep thinking, if I were to never make an effort, it wouldn’t make a difference. I would be alone, but this time, I wouldn’t be trying hard, losing energy, and eventually losing my mind.
Before, I thought I was more comfortable alone. But, every time I get a taste of companionship, I get false hope that I won’t be alone after. But, it happens every single time. The same scenario of falling in a dark pit of nothingness.
Oh well, I gotta get used to being with myself again.
Between flowers and scales 